It's been a bit of a rough week here for me. No particular reason, but I've been unhappy with how my conducting assignment has been going; many small affectations that I have been able to expunge from my technique have creeped back in, resulting in a rather disastrous dress rehearsal for today's concert. It really is quite frustrating and a little disheartening - it also feeds into my (rather severe) self doubt. What if this is my pinnacle? What if the best orchestra I ever work with is here? I've been job searching for four years now. Should I look at my lack of success as writing on the wall? Seeing as I have no plan b, that is terrifying. But, I also acknowledge that I have a (rather severe) sense of paranoia and lack the ability to self evaluate. So, it may be in my head.
On happier topics: a group of us went for a whale watch yesterday and ha a blast. The boat ended up about thirty miles off the coast, so it was pretty cold. Coming back in, we watched a thunderstorm come over the mountains; it was really pretty. Then a great dinner was had, and we all came home and crashed.
Concert today; I am conducting the first movement of Tchaikovsky's Second Symphony.
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